God and Gaia

I don't worship a deity. Paganism for me is a deep respect and a close relationship with the earth. I believe in the exchange of energies, the turning of the wheel, the balance and equality of everything. I do believe in spirits and the fae, but more with the understanding that they are forces of energy. Everything, for me, comes back to energy. We are energy even physically. It's like Mufasa said: when we die, we become the grass, and animals eat the grass, and we eat the animals (or the grass). The wheel turns (or the circle of life, or whatever).

A lot of people have a difficult time grasping the idea that I don't believe in god or any deity in general. Many pagans even seem baffled by the thought—no pantheon, no God and Goddess. I say that I can appreciate the idea of a a god and goddess figure, but not as a cognitive being. I can use the idea of them, the idea of duality, of water and fire, earth and air, light and dark, male and female. On my altar, I have two statues, one male and one female, and above the altar I actually have plaques representative of the Lady and the Lord of the Greenwood. I have a bowl of salt and a bowl of water. But I am particularly fond of things that display threes, or things that come in threes, for instance I have three candle holders on my altar. They represent the duality and the whole; the in-between, the neither male nor female, yet both. Even better are symbols that display things that are different, but as a whole. The pentacle is a perfect example of this, because it not only combines the physical elements but also the element of spirit (or energy), all in one neat and tidy symbol. My favorite though is the trisquette, which represents the three realms; earth, sea and air. They are all separate, but connect in the middle, because they are one.

I have never liked the idea of a god(dess) presiding over us, planning our lives for us, basically running things. It feels, more often than not, like a scapegoat. Crops don't grow? It's because of god. Didn't win the lottery? It's because of god. People blame god for things that, even if there is a god, no deity would be in control of. There are fair-weather worshipers just as there are Christmas-Easter Christians (as my Mom would have called them). Even when I was Christian (raised Methodist) I believed more in the idea that the earth was the sentient being and that it provided for us as we provided for it. I hated church, much preferring talking to God in the sanctity of my back yard, or the woods, or the meadow.

It was easy for me, after my mom gave me the book on shamanism, to relate to the ideals it presented. Even from a young age, I had a respect for the planet, and I talked to trees and animals. My mom instilled in me the idea that everything had feelings and everything was alive. When I plucked a leaf from a tree, she said, “How would you feel if a tree pulled out a piece of your hair?” I learned to ask the trees before taking from them. I learned how to pick flowers, so that the rooted plant wouldn't die, and I always said thank you.

On Holidays

Yule marks the beginning of the year for many pagans. It's when we celebrate the return of the sun, the turning of the wheel, the start of a new cycle. Symbolically the god is the Holly King, the child of the great mother, young and fresh to the world. As the days grow longer, the god symbol ages and and on the next holy day, Imbloc, he is represented as a toddler. I've always been interested in the myth behind the goddess and her consort. They are not actual deities to me but actually representations of the earth and the sun and the moon, and nature all around us, symbols to help us appreciate and recognize the changes that are going on around us. Not that I don't notice the seasonal changes, but even though I don't worship a god, I still hold onto the story. If I had kids, I'd tell them the story.

I mentioned Yule, and the rebirth of the god, representative of the sun. Imbloc, in February, the goddess is recovering from birth and the god is, as I said, a toddler. The sun is still making its comeback. I have written on my page for Imbloc to “burn yule greens” which is supposed to be kind of a final farewell to the winter, but I don't use any live plants in my house due to allergies, cats and an aversion to killing an entire tree for my entertainment. Also, I like to leave the lights on the tree, so we have a little 3' white tree that came pre-lit, with some earthy decorations (which are pretty easy to find lately).

After Imbloc is Ostara, which we celebrate with baskets of candy and little gifts. I usually want to dye eggs but never get around to it for one reason or another (mostly because I don't like eggs). Ostara is a celebration of reproduction, so common themes are eggs and bunnies. It takes place in March and usually coincides easily with the Christian Easter, so it's easy to find goodies for baskets (not to mention... baskets). However, this is not when the god and goddess mate. Beltane, in May, is when the sacred union between them is celebrated. It is also a fertility festival.

I haven't really seen any story to go with Litha, so I guess the goddess and the god are just enjoying the peak of the summer like the rest of us. On my Litha page, I've written that it's a good time to pick herbs and contact faeries.

Then come the harvests. The first is Lughnassadh, where symbolically the god impregnates the goddess, giving himself to the earth so that the crops can be harvested. On my Lughnassadh page I call it the “Feast of Bread”. Next is Mabon, also called Harvest Home or Thanksgiving, though this occurs in September. It is the wine harvest. In October we have Samhain, the last harvest celebration, where the god enters the summerland and we honor the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. For me this is not really a time for a feast so much as feeding the dead; we'd put a setting of bread, salt and beer out for the spirits and bury a pomegranate outside.

This year for Yule, I covered pine cones in peanut butter and bird seed, then a friend and I hung them on trees outside for the birds. There was a total lunar eclipse early that morning, but I was too tired to see the whole thing. We exchanged gifts and I made a brunch for several friends, using a recipe for apple scones I'd found on a website with recipes for Yule, but they were pretty bland. No Yule fire, no wassailing, no popcorn and fruit strings. I wanted to do more than we did, but at the last minute we ran out of money (bills... I hate them) and I had to make do. Though I'm still learning, and sometimes I get out of touch, there are moments where I really feel the connection I have with the earth and all of the energy around me. Even though this is more of a way of life than a religion for me, I know I am walking the right path and it makes me feel good to be a part of such an intense, amazing whole.

Sorry about the rambly first post, I promise they'll get better.